God's Love With Skin On

Now Mary arose in those days and went into the hill country with haste, to a city of Judah, and entered the house of Zacharias and greeted Elizabeth ... when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb ...“Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb!  But why is this granted to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?” Luke 1:39-43

As I watched The Nativity (a movie presenting the account of Jesus' birth), I was struck by the importance and beauty of the relationship between Mary and Elizabeth.  They not only had divinely ordained motherhood in common, they also shared the trials of pregnancy and all the changes that a new baby involves, even if that baby is the Son of God or a prophet of God.  

Mary, being the only woman in history to give birth to the Son of God, must have had unique struggles.  Yes, she had God's Spirit upon her, but God also gave her someone "with skin on" to help her.  Elizabeth!  They encouraged one another to trust God in their special callings.  How Mary must have benefited from Elizabeth's wise counsel and comfort, while Elizabeth marveled at Mary's faith and the privilege of being one of the first to meet her Messiah.

Mentoring is a gift from God.  The dictionary defines mentor as, "a wise and trusted counselor or teacher."  God gives us a blueprint in Titus 2:3-5:



"...the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed."



Instead of this happening on a regular basis, we often rush around saying a quick, "Hello! How are you?" while running hither and yon to teach, sing, care for our husband and children, meet with committees, etc.  We hardly have time for an edifying conversation with another woman!  Mentoring isn't always easy.  It means stepping out of your comfort zone and making new acquaintances, spending less time with those who are like you.  It can also mean making yourself vulnerable.  But, no fears - there is a richness out there just waiting to be explored.

Finding a Mentor, Being a Mentor

God's Word instructs us to be a mentor, while being mentored ourselves, at the same time.  Please let me introduce the Discipleship Dozen ...

1. Pray

God knows our needs and wants to meet them.  Have you asked Him what you can do to be a mentor/learn from a mentor?  We need to pray before we go to church, pray before we go to the store, pray before we walk around the neighborhood, for God to prepare us and make opportunities. A friend and I have agreed to pray over the Christmas holiday about the need we see for fellowship among women in our church.



2. Be Connected To God's Word

Whether we have time for an hour-long study, or just a few verses on the run, it is critical to make that time.  It's as important as food, air, and water!  The Word is alive, preparing us to minister and making the soil of our hearts fertile for growth.



3. Ask

Luke 1 tells us that Mary travelled to visit Elizabeth.  How many times do we as younger women seek help from an older lady?  Maybe we're afraid to bother her, assuming she's too busy or that she wouldn't be interested. 



As a mother of a teenager and two young boys, I crave adult fellowship.  We all do, to differing degrees. There are many ladies at church I'd like to get to know better, but recently there was one I felt compelled to meet.  We met at Bible study last year, and while I always enjoyed her input, I was too busy caring for my children afterward to really get to know her.  Recently I asked her if we could meet at Panera Bread, and we had a wonderful time of fellowship.  I sat on the edge of my seat while Linda graciously shared her testimony with me. Hearing about how God has worked in her 60+ years made a huge impression on me.  When I told her God is teaching me about submission, she groaned and said, "I don't want to talk about that!"  We laughed!  Her down-to-earth kindness warmed my heart, and her lessons in faith inspired me to keep going.  She thanked me for inviting her to meet and said that in all her years, I am the first younger woman to ask her to "Titus 2" me.  I can hardly wait to make another coffee appointment next month.



4. Be Creative

A few years ago, while attending a funeral in a large church, I walked into the ladies restroom and my jaw dropped.  There before me was an easel with an attractively decorated board resting on it.  On the board were little pieces of paper pinned to it: "If you want to learn to bake pies, call June at ... (phone #)."  "If you'd like to knit or crochet, call Sandy at ..."  I'd love to hear about the friendships and discipleship opportunities started through that simple avenue.  Often the "physical" mentoring (cooking, sewing, walking together, etc.) leads to "spiritual" mentoring. 



5. Be Available

One of my friends has helped start a mentoring group which meets monthly in her home.  While they all study God's Word, the more experienced women can help the younger ones find  practical solutions to common perplexities like, "How do I get grass stains out of jeans?"  "What should I do to get my family to help around the house more?"  "How can I help my daughter through puberty?" 



While this group is made up of mothers, single women need mentors, too.  I remember when some young women at church asked my single friend Ann to teach them about being a godly woman.  How I wish I could have sat in on that study!



I'd like to add here something God did when I was not expecting it.  Not feeling at all available, I ran into a friend at the church nursery on Sunday morning.  "How are you?" she quipped.  "I'm tired and grumpy!"  I exclaimed.  For days I felt guilty about my outburst, until I received a beautiful e-mail from that same friend.  She thanked me for being honest with her about how I felt, instead of just saying, "Fine, how are you?" She said God used that to teach her to be more transparent with others.  Truly, I had been struggling; but, I was in church that day!  So, in a sense I was available, and God mercifully used me through my weakness. 



6. Trust God

We may fear that we don't have anything to offer other women, but we do!  How do I know?  We have God's Word to share ... and our own unique God given abilities and experiences.  As my pastor's mother recently told me, "God chooses people to bring into our path, because He has prepared us to meet their need." 



A couple years ago I talked with our youth pastor and told him that I had a growing burden for teenage girls.  I knew it was from God, because for years I had been afraid of teenagers.  So, for what was God preparing me?  Hosting teenage foreign exchange students!  Last year my family hosted a daughter from the Philippines for ten months, and this year a daughter from Ghana graces our home.  Talk about learning to trust God!  God taught and is teaching me about mentoring while I spend time teaching the girls to cook, about American culture, piano lessons, the Bible, and more ... lessons they will take back to their countries and teach others.  God promises to supply for what He calls us to do. Whatever you do, please don't sit around and think you have nothing to offer someone else; that is a lie straight from the Devil.  God may not call you to host a student, but He does have something important for you to do.



7. Keep the Focus On God

This is not about showing off my talent to quilt, jog, or bake.  And we need to clarify when we are giving our own opinion as opposed to God's written word.  On the other side, be careful not to idolize women.  Yes, they can be an example, but only God deserves our worship and obedience.  Carefully weigh what your mentor suggests, prayerfully comparing it with the Bible.



8. Make Time

Do you believe that Satan can use our busyness for his glory?  I do.  We need to make room in our schedules to spend with other women of all ages.  As a single woman you may have more control over your schedule.  For those who are married, we need to talk to our husband and arrange a time when he can care for the children so we can go out.  The entire family will benefit!



9. Bring Tissues

The growing process is sometimes painful.  One pastor's wife taught me to keep a tissue folded in my Bible for those tearful moments that arise for us or for those we counsel.  You may even need to bring bandaids!  God describes Biblical friendship and mentoring in this way - "As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend" (Proverbs 27:17).  We aren't getting together to be a "mutual admiration society" (Thoreau, 1851).



10. Be An Example

People are watching us.  And age doesn't automatically bring wisdom: I often learn from the younger women in my life.  Married women can learn a lot from single women - and visa versa. Even if you don't have time right now to get together with someone to teach them, you are teaching every day by your example.



11. Respect God's Work In Her Life

I love it that Elizabeth was not jealous of her younger cousin.  True, she would not bear the Messiah, but she rejoiced with Mary for her opportunity.  We also should be seeking to lift up women of all ages, honoring them where God has placed them.  We waste precious time and energy if we compare our situations or gifts with others.  God gives each of us unique gifts.  By not accepting this truth, we disrespect our Creator and disobey His plan (2 Corinthians 10:12).



12. Be Patient

God's timing is often different than mine.  A few times I have talked with my pastor's wife about women I am concerned about in our church family.  She patiently says, "Sara, give God time to work."  It has been exciting to see God work in lives, including mine, growing us more into His image over time!



Mentoring isn't always a regimented meet-once-a-week thing.  More often it is brief conversations that season our lives with grace, and the infrequent gatherings which water the flowers of our souls, helping us to grow toward God.  As Jesus didn't heal everyone who was sick, neither can we help every woman we meet.  God can give us wisdom to know what He wants us to pursue. 



With a new year just around the corner, let's make room in our lives for mentoring and being mentored.  It is a God-ordained essential element of our growth.  And speaking of "God's love with skin on" ...



"Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men."  Philippians 2:5-7



"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth."  John 1:14

We Still Believe In Jesus

Looking at our under-the-tree nativity set and remembering why we celebrate Christmas

"Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!" II Corinthians 9:15

Here we are in the middle of December, and all around us are reminders of what we are supposed to be doing ... "Only eleven shopping days until Christmas!"  I haven't seen one sign that proclaims, "Only eleven days until we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ our Savior!  What are you giving Him this year?"

Besides the wonderful account of the historical Saint Nicholas, we've heard bits and pieces of the lackluster history of Christmas.  In many ways it remains a pagan holiday.  At times I strain to hear above the roar around me ...

"Then the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people.  For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord' ... And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men!'"

Luke 2:10-14

I have some dear friends who choose not to acknowledge the holiday of Christmas one iota.  Others go way overboard the other direction, spending tons of money and going into debt.  How do we keep a balance, honoring God in how we live out Christmas?  

Last week, when my boys and I were in the check-out line at a store, a man dressed as Santa came over and started "Ho-ho-ho-ing" and asking my boys, "Have you been good this year?  Do you know what's coming in two weeks?"  Normally I would've just smiled and kept busy, but the jolly man bedecked in red and white kept going on and on ... "What do you want for Christmas?"  My boys looked confused, so I explained to "Santa" and the checker that, "My boys don't know about Santa."  I tried to say it as sweetly as possible. "Santa" went on to other customers, while our checker looked at me like I was evil incarnate. 

That was the first time we had been approached by a friendly man dressed as Santa Claus.  I should have expected it, but it took me by surprise.  Our boys are ages five and three, and this subject has not come up before this year. Making a mental note that it was time to have a talk about Santa, I smiled at the man and told him that we choose instead to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  Praying that I was not bringing harm to Jesus' name, I was friendly and thanked him when we left.  It was not exactly the way I had expected to live out the verse about being ready always to give an answer to every man who asks about the hope within me (I Peter 3:15).  Next time I will be better prepared.

Today Santa is rarely portrayed as the original St. Nicholas, a kind man who loved God and people, giving unconditionally.  Thankfully, we live in a free country where we can celebrate as we choose.  At our house we rejoice at the coming of God's perfect gift, Jesus.  And part of the way we celebrate is by giving gifts to family and friends.

 

In talking with my friends, I've found that I'm not the only one who has been made to feel small and evil directly due to a conversation including the words "Santa" and "Christmas."  One friend sweetly suggested that in my situation I had won a sort of a battle.  She is thankful that I said something, because many people think that the account of Jesus is just a fairy tale that no one believes anymore.  Many of us still believe in Jesus!  He is alive and strong, and His message of hope is as true today as it was two thousand years ago.

My friend Dawn has given me some practical advice.  Here is what works for her family, and I think it is wonderful:

1. Always tell your children the truth. Stay true to God's Word and the meaning of Christmas. Emphasize Jesus everyday.

2. However, you cannot ignore "Santa" ... unless you keep your kids under a rock, they are going to see a guy dressed in a red suit, hear other kids talking about Santa, or get asked by a friendly adult "what did Santa bring you for Christmas?" Tell them the legend of St. Nick and how the idea of Santa got started. Talk about what a costume is. Talk about "cartoon characters" and playing pretend.



3. Teach your kids how to respond to others regarding Santa. (I learned this lesson the hard way.) I nearly got tarred and feathered by other pre-school parents because my son had taken it upon himself to tell his classmates the truth (I was told that I had ruined their child's Christmas and stolen their innocence. Ouch!) 

 

So, we talked about how other families are "playing the Santa game." I told my kids that other families play a game and talk about Santa like he is real. And that my kids should not ruin the game.  Instead, when asked about Santa, they need to say "Santa is fun, but I like to celebrate Jesus' birthday the most!" This response has worked beautifully. It's a chance to speak up for Christ, but not damage our chance to testify for Him again later.

If you find yourself in a circumstance, planned or unplanned, where you can tell about why you celebrate Christmas, consider it a bonus.  And remember, the One who truly knows whether you've been naughty or nice loves you no matter what, and He would consider your love His best birthday gift.

Christmas Treats

Who doesn't like Christmas goodies?!?  It is our tradition to make delicious treats for our family and to share with neighbors.  I'm sure you have your own favorites, but to add to the fun I am going to share some of our best loved recipes with you.  If you have time, I'd enjoy hearing from you about your favorite recipes!



Let's start with the cheese balls.  Ooo!  Love cheese balls!  One is savory and one is sweet ...



Chocolate Chip Cheese Ball - makes about 2 cups

8-oz package cream cheese, softened

1/2 cup butter, softened

1/4 tsp. vanilla extract

3/4 cup powdered sugar

2 Tbsp. brown sugar, packed

3/4 cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips

3/4 cup pecans or walnuts, finely chopped

Graham cracker sticks



Blend cream cheese, butter and vanilla in a mixing bowl until fluffy.  Gradually add sugars; beat just until combined.  Stir in chocolate chips.  Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours.  Place on a large piece of plastic wrap; shape into a ball.  Refrigerate for at least one additional hour.  At serving time, roll ball in chopped nuts.  Serve with graham cracker sticks for dipping. 



Savory Cheese Ball

I also like to shape this to form a Christmas tree on a platter.  It's so pretty decorated with tiny tomatoes as ornaments and a cheese star on top (use cookie cutter or knife to form star out of sliced cheese).



2  8-oz. packages of cream cheese, softened

1 small onion, chopped fine

1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce

1 pkg. dried beef, chopped (or lunch meat)

1 tsp. seasoned salt



Mix cream cheese, 1/2 pkg. of beef, onion, salt, and Worcestershire sauce.  Mix well and shape into a ball.  Put in refrigerator for 15 minutes.  Roll ball in rest of beef.  Serve with crackers.



Next, the bars and cookies!



Butterscotch Cookies (from my Great Great Aunt Ida)

2 cups light brown sugar

1 cup butter and lard (half of each...or just use butter)

2 eggs

2 cups flour with 1 tsp. soda and 1/2 tsp. cream of tartar

1 tsp. vanilla

1/4 tsp. salt

1 cup nut meats



Mix altogether and put on moulding board (cutting board or counter).  Work in enough flour for cookie dough.  Mould in loaf (3" wide and 1 1/2" high) and put in refrigerator for several hours or overnight. Cut in thin slices and sprinkle with colored sugar.  Bake at 350 for 6-8 minutes.



Caramel Bars

This recipe came from my dear friend Donna Bond.  Using this scrumptious treat I became a finalist at a baking contest in Ames, Iowa when I was in junior high.



Mix together: 1 box yellow cake mix

2 cups oatmeal

1/2 cup brown sugar



Add and mix: 3/4 cup cooking oil and 1 egg



Spread 1/2 of this mixture in greased 9 x 13 pan.  Pour 3/4 cup caramel ice cream topping over dough (or melted caramels).  Try to keep topping about 1/2" from the edge of cookie dough.  Crumble remaining dough over sauce.  Bake at 350 for 25-30 minutes.  Cool.  Cut into bars.



Cherry Chip Cornflake Cookies (pictured above) - 5 dozen

2 1/4 cups sifted flour

1/8 tsp salt

1 cup soft butter

1/2 cup sugar

1 egg yolk

1 tsp. almond extract

3/4 cup corn flakes, crumbled

1 pkg. cherry chips (6 oz.)



Measure unpacked flour and mix with salt.  Cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy.  Mix in egg yolk and almond extract.  Add flour and mix until smooth.  Stir in cornflakes and cherry chips.  Roll into 1" balls, placing on ungreased cookie sheets.  Press with a fork lengthwise and crosswise, and sprinkle lightly with granulated sugar.  Bake at 375 for 12-14 minutes.  Remove from sheet while still warm.



Gumdrop Cookies (pictured above)

1 cup softened butter

1 cup white sugar

1 cup brown sugar

2 eggs, beaten lightly

2 cups oatmeal

2 1/2 cups flour

1 tsp. soda

2 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. vanilla

1 cup cut gumdrops

1 cup coconut (optional)



Preheat oven to 400. Cream butter and sugars, add eggs and blend well. Add dry ingredients and mix until smooth.  Add coconut, oatmeal, gumdrops and vanilla last. Drop on cookie sheet.  Bake at 400 for 10 minutes.



Munchkins (pictured above)

Our Filipino daughter Amira taught us how to make these - YUM!  Bake a batch of brownies.  After cooling add some milk and roll into balls.  Then roll in shredded coconut.  You can also put a piece of candy or marshmallow in the center.



Spritz Cookies (pictured above)

Christmas isn't just Christmas without traditional Swedish spritz! 



1 cup softened butter (real)

1 egg

1/2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp. almond extract

a pinch of salt

3/4 cup sugar

2 1/2 cups flour

1/2 tsp. vanilla

a pinch of cream of tartar



Mix butter and sugar until creamy.  Add flour (unsifted) and baking powder to butter and sugar (a bit more flour may be needed).  Mix all ingredients together with hands to make a soft, not crumbly dough.  Preheat oven to 350.  Form cookies with cookie press.  Bake approximately 10 minutes.  Watch carefully to they don't become brown. We like to make white camels with gold or silver ball eyes, green Christmas trees with gold balls at the tops and colored balls for decorations, and white or green wreaths by using star form and making a long "snake" of dough - trimming it to 3" pieces and making a circle - 2 red hots at the top for holly and green sugar sprinkles. You can also make poinsettias or candy canes.



Whew!  With all this sweetness going around, we need something salty to balance it out ...



Ranch Oyster Crackers - 3 cups

1 cup olive oil (or oil of preference)

1 tsp. dill weed

1/2 tsp. garlic powder

1 pkg. Ranch salad dressing mix

2  12-oz. pkgs. oyster crackers



Mix everything but the crackers.  Pour mixture over the crackers.  Mix well and let set for at least 1 hour before serving.



And the caramel corn (that isn't really corn - so nothing getting into your teeth)!



Old Dutch Caramel Corn

1 8-oz. bag of Old Dutch Puff Corn Curls

Caramel Sauce: 1/2 lb. butter (real) (2 sticks) ... 1 cup brown sugar ... 1/2 cup light corn syrup

1 tsp. baking soda



Place corn curls in large roasting pan (can use disposable).  In 2 quart saucepan cook sauce ingredients (except soda) 2 minutes.  Add 1 tsp. soda to mix.  This will cause foaming - 2 quart pan necessary!  Pour caramel mix over corn curls and stir till mixed.  250 for 45 minutes.  Stir at least every 10-15 minutes.  Prepare counter/table with waxed paper on top of newspaper.  Pour cooked corn on waxed paper and separate piece by piece while still warm.  Beware: this is addictive!



And we can't have Christmas without candy (well, we can, but you know what I mean)!  First of all, my Mom's fabulous fudge ...



Fantasy Fudge - 3 lbs.

3 cups sugar

2/3 cup (5 1/3-oz. can) evaporated milk

1 cup milk chocolate chips

3/4 cup to 1 cup black walnuts, chopped

3/4 cup butter

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 7-oz. jar marshmallow creme

1 tsp. vanilla



Combine sugar, butter and milk in heavy 2-3 quart saucepan.  Bring to a full boil, stirring constantly.  Continue boiling 5 minutes over medium heat (to 234 degrees); remove from heat to prevent scorching.  Stir in chocolate chips till melted (gradual).  Add marshmallow creme, nuts and vanilla; beat till well blended.  Pour in greased 9 x 13 pan.  Cool. Cut.



Peppermint Patties - about 4 dozen

1 pkg. (8-oz.) creme cheese, softened

9 cups confectioners sugar

3/4 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 tsp. peppermint extract

3/4 cup milk chocolate chips

3 Tbsp. shortening



In a large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese and extract until smooth.  Gradually add sugar, beating well.  Shape into 1" balls. Place on waxed paper lined baking sheets.  Flatten into patties.  Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour.  In a microwave (or in double boiler) melt chocolate and shortening; stir until smooth.  Cool slightly.  Dip patties in melted chocolate; place on waxed paper until firm.  Store in cool place.



And for a smashing finale, my friend Jane's decadent bread ...



Double Chocolate Bread - 6 mini loaves or 2 regular loaves

When my neighbor and friend Jane brought this over as a Christmas surprise, I shamelessly kept most of it for myself, only sharing the bare minimum with my dear husband and children!



1 box chocolate (or yellow) cake mix (moist devil's food recommended)

2 boxes instant chocolate pudding

4 eggs

1/2 cup oil

1 tsp. vanilla

1 1/2 cups water

12 oz. bag chocolate chips (milk or semi-sweet or combination)

Chopped pecans (optional)



Mix together cake mix, pudding, eggs, oil, vanilla, and water until smooth.  Stir in chocolate chips.  Pour about 1/2 full into greased and floured (cocoa or carob powder) pans (big or small).  Bake 50 minutes - 1 hour at 350.  Let cool.  Remove from pans and wrap in plastic wrap or place in airtight container as this helps it remain moist. 



Happy baking and memory making!

Lemon Wedges and Sugar Packets



Dad and me celebrating his 80th birthday, April 2011

"'... And try Me now in this,' says the LORD of hosts, 'If I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it.'"  Malachi 3:10b 

My Dad has the unique habit of making lemonade at restaurants.  He does not order a lemonade, he makes it with the resources available at his table. Typically, a lemon wedge garnish arrives in each water glass, and before the waiter can say, "May I take your order?" he has already grabbed a mini bag of sugar and is intently concocting his chalice of personal refreshment before our very eyes.



A memory I treasure involves a visit with my parents.  We met at a restaurant, and our waitress graciously seated us before delivering water glasses complete with lemony adornments. After sharing an unusual memory from her childhood, our waitress asked if we would like anything else to drink. I tried to look busy with my menu while my Dad smiled at the lady, "I need some sugar, please ... to make lemonade."

Honestly, I can't say that I have ever gotten used to this ritual, even though it has become a family tradition.  I half expected the seven-months-pregnant waitress to toss a meager bag of sweetener my dad's direction with a snear of disgust.  But, no.  My eyes grew wide with wonder as our angelic hostess brought my dad not just one sugar packet, but a bowl full of sugar packets, and in another bowl a veritable mountain of lemon wedges (at least eight)!  Dad was ecstatic while Mom handled her shock in a most gracious manner.



This reminds me of God's lavish lovingkindness toward us.  We eventually get around to asking God for help (sometimes as a last resort).  And what does God do?  Does He toss us a lame little sugar packet with a scowl on His face?  No way!  God delights in meeting every need, heaping upon us His powerful resources and sweet comfort to strengthen us along the way.  All we need to do is ask.  And, of course, the tab is on Him.

P.S.  After the meal, my Dad generously ordered a giant hot fudge sundae for us to share, just to say, "I love you!"  Thanks, Dad - I love you, too!

^"Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive,

that your joy may be full." John 16:24

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16

Spiritual Battles For Military Families

During the holiday season our minds and hearts often drift overseas to those brave men and women serving God and country far from home. One of my friends, who spent several years in the Air Force, met her future husband while they were both active in the military.  She has graciously agreed to share her story with us ...

"My experience in the military showed me two things. Just like every American, peacetime is a time to forget God. It's not until things get rough, wartime, separation from loved ones that a person is most likely to look to or blame God for their circumstances.



Separation time is difficult for the military member but I believe it is even more difficult for the family left behind.



While I was stationed in Korea for a year, I had only been married for a little over one year. It was extremely difficult for me to have to leave my husband behind. I lost ten pounds within the first month and really felt disconnected. No one really wanted to be there, so there was no use complaining.



I remember some friends' advice, "You will either grow or fall back spiritually during deployments. There is no 'staying the same.'" They were right. I got connected with a local Bible study through the chapel and spent most of my free time with friends I had made there. I also had the opportunity to connect with a missionary outreach located just offbase for uniformed personnel.



The worst thing that happened while there came from my own husband. He was having a real hard time dealing with this separation and all his phone calls were about his misery. It got to where I didn't look forward to them anymore. There was nothing I could do and I told him he needed to focus on taking care of himself for now and just keep busy. That didn't mean I didn't love him. He made the decision to surround himself with people who believed personal happiness was king. He secretly considered divorce, so he might have a chance at happiness with someone else.



Fortunately, God protected me from knowing about it and I was able to grow spiritually during my tour and see other people through His eyes. I was on fire when I returned and ready to serve.



My advice:

1. Stay connected with those you love in the military no matter what their relationship is to you. Take advantage of every opportunity to communicate God's love. This is the time they will be most open to receive it. Send Gifts!!!



2. Do not share every problem with a deployed member unless it is absolutely necessary. They are usually helpless to assist and will feel the need to do something. Lean on neighbors and friends for help whenever possible. Do include them in important decisions."



- Lisa from Iowa





Thank you, Lisa!

Pre-Holiday Prescription

 

Are you multi-tasking at the moment? Wondering how you are going to get everything done before the guests arrive or you pack up to head out of town?



1. Stop, as soon as you can (please do NOT let the boiling pot burn down your house, and DO help Johny's boo-boo).



2. Go get a piece of paper (check the garbage can - the piece must be bigger than a gum wrapper).



3. Grab a pencil or pen (the only thing I could find near the computer this morning was an orange highlighter ... it worked just fine).



4. Number your paper down the side as far as you can.



5. Next to each number write down a blessing. At first it might be like a slight sprinkle, but soon you'll get warmed up and it will develop into a steady rain, maybe even a down-pour. You're doing great!



6. Now that you're warmed up, write down what is troubling your spirit today. It could be sickness, a broken dishwasher, the prospect of facing the holidays without a certain loved one this year, disappointment, rejection, loneliness, financial woes, exhaustion, worries about how the family is going to "get along" this Thanksgiving ... anything that causes your heart to ache, tears to fall, or your fist to want to hit the wall.



7. Now, give the list to God. Pray through the list, thanking Him. If it seems impossible to thank God sincerely for the trial you are facing, ask Him for strength to thank Him. God can use even "bad" blessings, things that tear us apart, for good.



If our lives were perfect, why would we need Him? And who would want to listen to us if we haven't been blown about by life's turbulance? People cannot know what we believe is real until they see it tested by time and trials.



8. Let God lift your spirit in full assurance that He knows and loves you, while He offers you His presence and supply through anything and everything, 24/7/365!

"Even there _______________________ Your hand shall lead me,

and Your right hand shall hold me." Psalm 139:10

The fill-in-the-blank line was added by me. There is room on that line for whatever is on your heart, dear Friend. If you follow this recipe once, it should greatly help you during the hurry and scurry of this holiday season. If once isn't enough, reapply daily as needed! Happy Holidays!

P.S. Read Psalm 103



To learn more about thanks-living, read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.



Image courtesy of http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/images/

Minnesota Military Family Interview

We are a country at war.  How often do we remember?  In the beginning it is easy to think of family, neighbors, church members, and friends who are in military training or active duty.  We pray, mail packages, and deliver meals.  But, after awhile, unless he or she is a close family member or friend, we tend to forget.  And, unless we have been in this position ourselves, it is impossible to completely understand and difficult to know how to help.



This week it was my privilege to interview a dear college friend about her husband's role in defending our country.  May this family's testimony enlarge our understanding and help us as we seek to encourage these brave men and women.

1. Thank you so much for serving our country!  What is your history with the military?

My husband joined the Minnesota National Guard two years ago. He went to basic training for 3 months and to Officer Candidate School for 4 months. He will be gone again in 2012 for 4 months to complete officer training. He also currently has a full-time job with the National Guard 2½ hours from home, so he is gone a lot. We have four children, ages 7, 5, 4, and 1 and are expecting #5 in Dec/Jan.



2. What are the challenges you have faced while being involved in military service? 

There’s the struggle of rejoining after a separation. The husband feels out of the loop and the wife is used to handling things on her own. It’s hard to readjust. 



I’ve struggled with trying to handle things on my own when my husband is gone, instead of asking for help. I’ve had to learn to humble myself and get help from church friends, so I can have a break from the kids, do shopping, have fellowship with friends, etc. Otherwise, I have felt so alone and like I can’t handle things by myself all the time.



My husband faces temptations he would probably never face otherwise. There are so many unsaved and immoral people in the military who have little to no character.



3. How do you cope with the stress?

I am learning to rely on God and trust Him more. Things change so often in the military, you have to learn to be flexible and trust God to direct your lives.  I cope with God’s help and definitely involving other people in our lives. It may be having people over, having babysitters, getting together with family, having someone help with cleaning my house, etc. If I have a need, I’ve learned to ask for help and discovered that it’s not only blessing me, but what a blessing it can be to someone else that they were able to help me. When I can afford it, I have paid a babysitter once a week while I do all my errands and shopping.



4. What are the blessings of being involved in military service?

It’s nice to see people appreciate my husband and thank him for his service. It opens up a new realm of people you would have never met otherwise. Financially, it has been a blessing to us.



5. What have people said or done that encouraged you?

People asking how I’m doing and offering to help. One lady offered to come and read to my boys in the evening. Other people have offered to babysit. A lot of church people came to see my husband off for basic training. People sending letters or packages to my husband when he was gone. Pastor letting the church know when my husband is leaving and keeping them updated.



6. Hopefully this hasn’t been an issue, but have there been things people have said or done, with good intentions, that have discouraged you? 

I asked my church for help when my husband was going to be gone for 4 months. I asked for a sign-up sheet and once a week someone to watch my kids for 3 hours or help clean my house. They were willing, but it would have been nice if someone had approached me first and asked how the church could help. And then when they made the sign-up sheet they put, “Tracie has asked that we . . .” I wish they would have said, “Our church would like to help Tracie in this way, while her husband is gone for military service.” I don’t know if that’s my pride, but it made me feel like I was imposing on people.



7. What words of encouragement would you give a fellow military wife/family?  

“All the paths of the Lord are loving and faithful.” - Psalm 25:10

Don’t be too proud to ask for help. There are people out there who want to help you, and you deny them a blessing by saying no or by not asking. 

Special thanks to the Delich Family, Brooklyn Center, MN

My Testimony



About three years after I started my adventure with God

To a young child, her parents are her world.  For me it was no exception.  In April of 1976 my parents were going on vacation, so my oldest sister Susan (15 years older than me and in college at the time) and I delivered them to the airport before she took me to visit my grandparents.



I was deeply upset to see my parents leave, and my sister knew it.  She said, "Sara, the worst thing that could happen is that they would die, but then they would go to be with God."  Well, that made the unthinkable sound less harsh, but I was still worried sick. 



On the way to my temporary home we passed a gigantic cemetery (it was probably only two blocks long, but it seemed especially large to a little girl). For the first time it occurred to me that I could die.  All of those stones represented people who died.  And just having talked about my parents' possible demise, it hit me.  I could die!



God helped my sister steer the conversation toward helping me know how I could be right with God.  If my parents would go to be with God when they died, then I wanted to be with God someday as well.



She shared verses with me from God's inspired Word that I had already been blessed to hear from the time I was a baby:



"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotton Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."  John 3:16



"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  Romans 3:23



"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  I John 1:9



"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord."  Romans 6:23



"He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God."  I John 5:12-13



As we drove to my grandparents' house I knew that I was facing an important decision.  Even though I was not quite four years old, I felt the conviction of God's Spirit in my heart, and I knew I was a sinner. 



Later that evening, in my Grandma's bedroom, I told God that I believed that Jesus, God in the flesh, died for my sins.  And I asked Him to forgive me and save me.  At that moment, with tears gushing down my face, I felt a new joy and peace come alive inside me.  God had redeemed me through Christ's sacrifice, and I had become a child of God!



Being born into a family that had Christian parents did not automatically make me a Christian. It was a decision I had to make when I was old enough to understand: was I going to accept God's offer of forgiveness and eternal life?  Or, was I going to try to make it through life on my own?



In an upcoming post I am going to share with you about my Christian walk, and how I struggled with doubts as a young adult.  I want to show you how God faithfully strengthened my faith and made it clear that I am forever His.  Until then, is Jesus calling you?

Coincidence vs. Sovereignty

West End Architectural Salvage ... When my sister said we were beginning our day-long celebration of our mom and dad's 60th anniversary at a coffee shop by that name, I was hesitant.  It turned out to be an interesting place!  Located in a huge old building, it is a mixture of antique shop, museum, and coffee haven. 



While walking around to marvel at the ancient relics scattered high and low, I noticed a lady had come around the corner at the end of the hallway.  When I looked at her I was shocked to see Julie, my next door neighbor!  Here we were, more than two hours away from our homes, running into each other at this unique place.  She was equally surprised, and we had a nice little chat before she left to go shopping with her daughter.



After finishing our cozy hot chocolate and chai, we continued with our party to a fabulous little museum called Iowa Hall of Pride, and next to a 50's diner, hearkening back to the time when my parents were first married.



Before we took a tour of places where my parents had grown up, met, and the church where they were married, we stopped at a small grocery store in the middle of an old neighborhood.  We all dispersed to follow our interests, and since I'm not much of a shopper, I quickly made my purchases and then wandered out to enjoy the sunshine while I waited.



When my sister walked out with a smile on her face, I couldn't believe it when she said, "My neighbor is inside!" Sharon's next door neighbor, over an hour away from their hometown, was at the same store at the same time we were.  It was fun to go back in to meet the sweet Japanese lady and her family.



What are the chances?  What are the odds that both my sister and I would see our next door neighbors, on the same day, so far from home?  Even if we had scheduled seeing them, it couldn't have turned out this smoothly.  Timing and place in perfect synchronization. 



Why?  It's not that we had earth-moving conversations with our neighbors, whom we are trying to reach with the love of God.  Perhaps God arranged these appointments to remind us that ...



1.  He is in charge of our appointments, ones we know about and the ones that surprise us.

2.  He can arrange any combination of scenarios because He is God and He is working out a plan.

3.  He is always watching us, and other people are, too. 



Today I am thankful for these reminders, and it makes me look forward with a perspective of ...



1.  Anticipation:  I wonder what God is going to do next!

2.  Accountability:  I had better make sure I am right with God, because He is always watching me, and others should see Christ through me.

3.  Preparation:  I had better be prepared for whatever God has in store.  I need to be ready to encourage, share hope, edify, and shine for Him wherever I go.



Coincidence?  Nope.  My God is sovereign.

"For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth ... all things were created through Him and for Him.  And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist... that in all things He may have the preeminience."

Colossians 1:17-18

Together 60 Years!

Today my family celebrated my parents' 60th wedding anniversary.  They were married on November 3, 1951 in Des Moines, Iowa.  Our day was spent reliving memories, driving around their old neighborhoods, hearing stories, visiting the Iowa Hall of Pride museum, eating at a 50's diner, enjoying each other.  It was a day to remember!



Sixty years seems like a long time, but they say they don't know where the time went.  It seems unreal that they are knocking on eighty, because it wasn't long ago that they were young and in love.  I'm happy to report that they are still in love.



Mom

My Mom is almost always smiling.  As a kid it would irritate me, along with her contant humming, but now I am refreshed by her spirit of joy!  I see in her a woman who has been faithful to her man through ups and downs.

"Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord." Ephesians 5:22

She is submissive!  Sometimes I have encouraged her to speak up for herself in certain situations, but she usually chooses to quietly pray about matters instead.  I am thankful for a mother who smiles with her eyes, voice (over the phone), lips and heart.  She is an example of a faithful wife and prayer warrior.



Dad

My Dad sold three pigs to buy my mom's ring, and they had a short engagement because he was drafted into the army.  Although he didn't end up going over to Korea, there were many stressful moments related to his service to America.



In my Dad I see a man who has taken care of his wife and loves her more than he did when he married her. 

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and

gave Himself for her..."  Ephesians 5:25

My Dad claims that my Mom proposed to him.  His teasing is accompanied by eyes sparkling with fun.  My Mom groans with a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. She's heard this story a hundred times.  Today we got "the rest of the story" on video.  The truth seems to be in the middle: they shopped for rings together, but he wasn't formal in giving her the ring, so she nudged him a bit, "Aren't you forgetting something?" 



I count myself extremely blessed to have parents who have stayed married for 60 years. Thank you, Mom and Dad!

What About Single Women?

"...and you are complete in Him..." Colossians 2:10

Every woman is as unique as each lovely snowflake falling outside my window.  Each is beautifully designed by the Master, in His image.  Each has a unique personality and an eternal soul.  They have a variety of occupations and can be found in all age categories.  What do they have in common?  What do we all have in common?  We all need to be loved. Why?  Because that is how God made us.



While I know a few single women who do not want to be married, most of my friends who are not married would like to be married and have children. They all talk about a cycle of highs and lows ... for a few months they hardly think about it, wrapped up in their jobs and ministries. Then a good friend will get married or have a baby, they celebrate a "milestone" birthday, or for some inexplicable reason they can't put their finger on, they face a battle and have to surrender their desires to God all over again.



Then there are my dear single friends who are widowed or divorced.  They deserve and will get their own articles!  I so admire them and don't know how they make it through - oh, yes, with God's help and the support of loved ones!  Just tonight I talked with a single mom friend of mine who, at her house they just went through the stomach flu and a broken washing machine at the same time.  Trials indeed!  Thankfully, her new "Wilma" (that's what we call our washing machine) arrives early next week.  These dear sisters, and those who have lost the husbands they have loved, have different challenges from those who have never been married.  They live a different type of loneliness.  These sisters of ours need extra support from all of us ... in all of our busyness and trials, let's not forget the single women in our lives.



Every one of us, whether married or single, struggles with contentment.  I was single until age 30 and at times despaired in my loneliness.  God was faithful, is faithful, always showing me He is sufficient.  Then at age 30, in a miraculous (to us) string of events, God led Tim and me together.  We couldn't believe it was actually working out!  And we prayerfully approached a new adventure called marriage. 



There were many adjustments for both of us; married life certainly has its own ups and downs.  But, we wouldn't ever wish to go back to being single.  Tim and I hope we never forget what it was like - we want to encourage our single friends along the way.  I like being married, most days, but I do miss the intimacy I had with God as a single lady.  My relationship with God is special now, too, just different.



"There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband."  I Corinthians 7:34



My goal in this article is to help married women have a better understanding of what many single women go through, so that you can be a more informed and influential friend and mentor.  After debating with myself about how to approach this subject, I decided to present an  interview with "Martha." Martha is a lady that I am inventing to portray the sentiments of most of my single friends.  I could spend weeks interviewing dozens of beautiful Christian women, but essentially I already have.  So please allow me to combine what I have heard over the years, and experienced in my own single life, in an interview with Martha ...



Welcome, Martha!  Thank you for joining us today.  So, what about you?  Would you like to be married?

Thank you!  Yes...  I've always thought I would be married by now, but I haven't found the right man.  I know there are worse things than being single; I definitely don't want to marry the wrong person.



Why is it so hard to find "husband material"?

It's not that I try to hide from men.  I get together with friends, I'm active in my church, I volunteer, and I attend a few weddings each year.  My church is small, but I don't feel that it would be right for me to transfer my membership to a larger church just because they have a huge dating pool.  I believe I am where God wants me to be.  I love my church family and God is using me here. So, I keep trying to remember that He can bring him at the right time, if that is His will for my life.



What is the hardest part about being single?

Facing life by myself. Having to make decisions by myself. Having to do everything with the house, car, bills by myself. Wondering about the future - what will I do if I don't get married? How will it be to grow old alone, with no grandkid pictures to show off and no one to take care of me? It's hard to not have someone to go do things with, build memories with, to be my partner through life.



Another thing is that some people assume I have so much time since I'm single. I could really overwork myself if I said yes to every ministry request at church!   I think they don't stop and think about me having to work full-time, mow my own lawn, pay all the bills, do laundry and all the cooking, etc. I do keep busy.  I wish people would understand that I am doing the best I can.



When do you feel the most lonely?

Most of the time I'm okay.  I have a great family and wonderful friends.  I guess Sundays can be hard.  I see husbands with their arms around their wives.  I'm happy for them, but it does accentuate my loneliness.  Also, I sometimes have a hard time fitting in:  I'm not college age anymore, I'm not a career woman by choice, and when I go to the ladies classes they talk mostly about being wives and mothers.  I like learning from them, but sometimes I find it's better if I keep busy teaching a children's class.  After church, when I see families leaving church, happily heading off to Sunday dinner together, I'm tempted to host my own pity party.  I know things aren't perfect for them either.  Since I know this is my weakness, I try to make plans in advance for Sunday dinner.



At night I tend to stay up late.  Sometimes I ache for someone to hold me.  I have asked God to hold me, and many times I've sensed His nearness and comfort wrapped around me. Sometimes holidays, baby showers, weddings ... but it really can hit at the strangest times.  Like when I want to go out to eat, or plan a vacation, but can't find anyone to go with.  Or, when I'm at the library and I look out the window and see a couple walking by, hand in hand.  It's unpredictable.  I try to focus on my blessings!



What should people avoid saying to you?

I'm sure they mean well, but sometimes people (me included, I'm sure) just don't think. I've had people accuse me of being too picky.  I've had people ask me, "So, what's wrong with you?"  Some people good-naturedly try to set me up with someone, but that usually turns out to be a fiasco.  Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me, but that can be good - it keeps me growing and trying to be the best I can be. Oh, it's also irritating when people kindly say, "Oh, the right one will come along.  Just be patient!" They don't know that!  Only God knows if it will happen. Sometimes I just wish people would be content with my singleness, accepting me as I am.  It would help me in my striving to be content as well.



How can people encourage you?

I'm just like any other woman - I love it when people email or tell me they're praying for me.  It's good sometimes when people ask me to sit with them at church.  When I get together with the young adults group, it is encouraging when married couples include me in their conversation, showing an interest in my life.  I love it when a friend calls me up, or a family I know, and they invite me to join them on various outings. 



One dear older couple in my church invited me out for pizza on the day one of my former boyfriends got married.  I don't think they even knew, but it was good for me to be busy that day.  One time a neighbor made supper for me and delivered it to my apartment after a long week at work.  I savored every bite, and it ministered to body and soul!



It is fun when people remember me on my birthday, Valentine's Day and Mother's Day.  Sometimes even "Hallmark" holidays can prey on one's emotions!  Pray that I will be faithful to God, keep pure, and rest in God as my love, my husband.



This may seem cheesy or self-centered.  But, it is uplifting when people point out what I am doing right in my life.  Since I sometimes wonder, "What's wrong with me?" it helps when people point out my good features and choices, without flattering me.  And of course one of the biggest things is praying for me.  It means a lot when people remember my prayer requests and later ask me how those situations are working out in my life.



What do you think about online dating?

The idea of it makes me feel uncomfortable, but I have tried it.  We live in interesting times when it is hard to meet people.  I personally know three couples who met online and seem to have successful marriages.  But, I don't think it's for me.



What advice would you give to younger single women, or single women who are struggling?

It goes without saying, but stay in the Word of God daily.  Fill your mind with God's thoughts, so you are filled with His love and courage every day.  Talk to God about everything.  I believe we as single women have a unique opportunity to be intimate with God in ways that our married friends aren't able to enjoy.  I think that's one of the best things about being single.



Don't put yourself in tempting situations ... I have to avoid romance novels and some movies, because they make me envious and I know that most of them are not realistic.  Don't lower the standards you believe God wants you to have.  We will never regret saving ourselves for our husbands or not having extra baggage to carry around.  If you have baggage, take it to God and leave it with Him.  You can be forgiven and start again fresh.



Plan ahead financially - save money for a house, be wise with your money.  Use extra money right now to buy good books, including Bible reference books to help you with your Bible study.  Don't forget to tithe and contribute to worthy charities. 



Travel.  If/when we get married, we won't have the same freedom to get-up-and-go as we do right now. 



Don't waste your emotional energy on feeling sorry for yourself.  We don't want to look back on this time with regrets.  Tell people your needs, make plans to get together with people, and reach out to those who are lonely and hurting.



Thank you so much, Martha, for sharing these things with me.  Is there anything you'd like to add?  It is hard to think of the possibility of growing old alone, but I know God promises to always be with me.  I don't need to fear the future. Jeremiah 29:11 includes me!  Even if I never get married, I can still have a productive, happy life.  And, of course, I will always still have my dreams.



"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13



Single women are like married women in their needs and interests.  Take time to get to know the single women in your life ... you will be blessed! 

Helpful resources:

Stay In the Castle by Jerry L. Ross   

This booklet was written by a youth worker to help a teenage girl he knew, who was dating an unsaved boy, to wait for God's choice for a husband.  God used his story to help her wait, and she and her future husband became missionaries greatly used by God.  This book was such a blessing to me when I was single.  I highly recommend this book for teenagers and all young women who need encouragement to trust God and wait for His timing.    

www.stayinthecastle.com





Passion and Purity and Quest For Love by Elisabeth Elliot 

Elisabeth Elliot shares her challenges in love and waiting for God's timing in Passion and Purity.  In Quest For Love she shares the stories of women who waited for God's leading in choosing a mate.

www.elisabethelliot.org





Questions From a Single Heart by Laura A. Smith   

Laura Smith, a single woman living near Seattle, Washington, knows what it's like to dream of becoming a wife and mother.  Thus far, God has chosen for Laura to keep busy in the career world and in her local church, learning lessons of singleness which she enjoys sharing, using her unique story-telling ability and humor.  Through the Biblical account of Ruth, Laura gleans lessons for single women today.  You will certainly be blessed by this Bible study.

www.laurashares.com and www.adventureswithlaura.wordpress.com





The picture above is of my cousin and dear friend Laura and me.  We both have a burden for single women of all ages.  (Check out her book and website mentioned above).