What Are You Waiting For?

Today I read the following article.  It blew me away.  I wish I had read it years ago as a single woman.  But, it is helpful to this married woman's heart, because it's principles are biblical and universal. 

What are you waiting for?  Waiting isn't just for single women.  I've spent many a day waiting for . . .

• school to start/end
• my prince charming to come on the scene
• my wedding day to arrive
• babies to spring forth
• doctors and lab results
• pain to subside following miscarriage
• my husband to get better
• a positive preganancy test
• sick children to get better
• sons to give their hearts to Jesus
• God to open the eyes of friends who are spiritually blind
• God to reveal His will for the next step of my mission

During those waiting times I am drawn to my knees in desperation.  And there I find Him, ever patient, ever sure.  A painful lonely place is suddenly warmed by His light and love.  I am no longer alone in my waiting places.  And you don't have to be alone in yours either.

"I just didn’t want to wait anymore – didn’t want to live like I was waiting on anyone to get here.  I already have Him … and He is everything."  - Grace

Click the following link to drink more in . . .

I Don't Wait Anymore

 "Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; On You I wait all the day."
Psalm 25:5

"Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!"

Psalm 27:14

"For evildoers shall be cut off; But those who wait on the LORD, They shall inherit the earth." Psalm 37:9

"Truly my soul silently waits for God;
From Him comes my salvation."
Psalm 62:1

 

"For since the beginning of the world men have not heard nor perceived by the ear, nor has the eye seen any God besides You, Who acts for the one who waits for Him."
Isaiah 64:4

 

"Therefore the LORD will wait, that He may be gracious to you; And therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you.  For the LORD is a God of justice; Blessed are all those who wait for Him." Isaiah 30:18

"But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

"It is good that one should hope and wait quietly, for the salvation of the LORD."  Lamentations 3:26

 

Father's Day Reflections

Tonight my breath caught in my throat as I noticed a bright rainbow just out my back door.  It was positively glowing!  I've never seen the violet ribbon so brilliant.  As it expanded into a double rainbow, I could hear my children ooo-ing and ahh-ing from their bedroom window, talking back and forth with their Daddy about what a rainbow means.  Hearkening back to our father in the faith Noah, God our Father keeps His promises, of course.

This spring my Dad designed a little

house for his grandsons.

Tim and our boys enjoyed helping out!



This Father's Day weekend I am eternally grateful to God for a Dad who loves Him and loves his family.  Some of my favorite memories with my Dad include: when we went camping, going to church, walking the mall and him stopping occasionally to buy me a rope of licorice, bike riding, eating mulberries, him teaching me how to drive a tractor on the farm, horseback riding, chuckwagons in Colorado, and the countless times he listened to me practice the piano, clapping after every song! 



And now I am blessed to be married to a man who is a good husband and a great father.  I am unspeakably thankful that my husband is someone I can respect and trust with my children.  He loves playing with them, listening to them, chasing and tickling, singing with them . . . my cup overflows.

I love this old picture of Tim

and the boys!



Maybe you feel that while others enjoy rainbow memories and relationships, yours have been or are stormy.  Perhaps your dad wasn't the loving kind.  Instead he wounded you and wrecked your childhood.  What pain and agony!  Perhaps you are single and longing for someone to build a family with, but God hasn't brought him along, yet.  I remember the ache.  Or, you may have seen your prince charming fall off his horse and land in the kingdom of another princess.  There is no one to love you or the children you had together, and your weary heart is broken.



While human beings fall short in sympathy, God understands what we think and feel.  When His children are hurting, He hurts, too.  And He is closer to us than breathing. Just like the rainbow I saw tonight which followed scary lightening and ominous clouds,  God will help us through the storms of life - He is the safe place of eternal love and forever rainbows.



The following verses are familiar to many of us, but let's take a few moments to soak in them once again.  Just like sinking our toes into a plush carpet, munching on a warm-from-the-oven chocolate chip cookie, coming home and smelling freshly baked bread . . . let's come home to our Father and bask in His love today.

Our Perfect Father 

"For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:11-14



"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6



"But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and You our potter; and all we are the work of Your hand." Isaiah 64:8



"... your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him." Matthew 6:8b



"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" Matthew 7:7-8,11



"Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful." Luke 6:36



"For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father." Romans 8:15 



"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4



"I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty." 2 Corinthians 6:18



"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ ..." Ephesians 1:3



"Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!"  I John 3:1



"And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world." I John 4:14

Push the Pause Button: Taking Time to Evaluate

At this very moment I am enjoying a rare moment of bliss.  My laptop, Bible, calendar and I are sitting at a local coffee shop, in an air conditioned room with, ironically, a cozy fireplace flickering nearby.  It is doing it's job well, relaxing me while I sip a blueberry Italian soda, nibble an M & M cookie, and reflect on life.  Yes, I'm spoiled.  A whole pack of thank you notes wouldn't be enough to thank my sweet husband.



It is a break, yes.  But, it is also a work appointment.  As a wife and mother I take my job very seriously.  And sometimes I need to get away from the workplace I love to renew my perspective.



As a stay-at-home wife, homeschooling mom, host mom, writer, daughter, friend, and growing child of God, I must take time to pray, evaluate, and plan for coming days.  When I was single I needed to do the same thing.  It was tedious to face life's ups and downs alone, besides being responsible for everything. 

We all need TIME to REFOCUS.

Here are some questions to help us check our path as we push the pause button:



1.  God - Is God still a priority in my life?  If so, what is the evidence?  When is the last time I was truly abiding in Him?  Have I poured my heart out to Him today?  How many times a day do I think about Him?  Do people know that I am His?



2.  Myself: God's Temple - Is my heart soft or hard?  Am I where God wants me to be?  Do I need help?  If so, am I asking for help?  Am I a thankful person?  Am I taking care of my spirit, mind, emotions, and body?  Am I doing ____ for God's glory or mine?  Are my goals in life reasonable or am I constantly defeated by unrealistic expectations?



3.  Others: Eternal Souls - Who has God given to me as priority relationships to help?  Am I putting them first?  Am I doing my best to help them in their walk with God?  Do I pray as much for others as I pray for myself?  Do I need to change my schedule to make more time for others?  Am I using my influence for good in my home, neighborhood, church, community, and beyond?



4.  My Home: God's Embassy - Do I have too much stuff in my home?  Is taking care of things weighing me down and sapping energy better used elsewhere?  What do I need to get rid of?  How often do I have people over?  Is my home a refuge for my family?  Is my home a God-place?  Am I clinging too tightly to things?  Is my house a place of peace and joy?



5.  My Schedule: My Soul Test -  What does my schedule say about me?  About my view of God?  Is it too packed or do I need to add some things to use my time wisely?  What is causing me the most stress?  What about it is stressful?  How much time do I spend online every day? What is the first thing I'd like to remove from my schedule?  Why?  Am I dwelling in the past or future instead of today?

Jesus told us what our priorities should be ...

"Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:37-40



^"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." Matthew 6:33



"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2



Blessings abound in us because we are daughters of the King.  Whether we are single, married, with or without kids, an empty-nester, a grandmother, or are standing at the end of life on earth, God wants to help us live with His heart.  All we need to do is ask Him! 

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.

Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;

I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;

Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;

Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:

Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,

Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,

High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,

May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all. 

- Forgaill

The Quiet House: Ministering with the Father's Heart to Childless Men and Women

What happens on Mother’s Day at your church? It is typical and fitting to honor the mothers who are present. In some cases moms are asked to stand, given a public blessing and a hearty applause, followed by a prayer of thanksgiving and dedication. Usually a flower or some other small gift is given to each mom. How Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are observed reveal much about the heart of a church.

The Aching Heart

One of the most painful experiences is that of women or men who desire to have children but cannot. They may be married or single, be barren, or have experienced the loss of a child (or multiple children) through miscarriage or death. It’s true that some people don’t desire to have children, but that is the exception. Most believers look forward to having little ones around, and when that can’t happen, it hurts.



The Parent Heart

Some busy parents may look at those without children and think they have it easy. Well-meaning men and women can misunderstand and even sin against those who are childless. They can be guilty of looking at them with jealousy or judgment: With jealousy a parent might think, "They have time and money to do the things they want.  They have more time to dedicate themselves to serving God."  With judgment someone might think, "Why isn't he married? There must be something wrong with her. Why don’t they have a baby? How strange, how selfish! Exhausted? … They don’t even know the meaning of the word!" If believers are not jealous or judgmental, they can be neglectful. Sad to say, it’s easy to get so busy that we don’t take time to think about the needs of other people.



The Single Heart

One bright Mother’s Day morning, all of the moms were invited to stand in the front of the church. The pastor spoke glowingly of how wonderful they all were and how greatly the future rests upon their shoulders. My single friend Laura felt uncomfortable, since she was about the only woman left back in the pews.  After they were dismissed to their seats, Laura breathed a sigh of relief that the ceremony was over for another year. However, the pastor had forgotten to give the women flowers, so he had some men pass them out right away. My friend was left empty-handed as she looked around at all the smiling mothers.



Laura cried all the way home from church, again asking God to help her be content in her singleness. Unfortunately the pastor had also forgotten to hand out special books, so in the evening service the deliverers were sent out again. A deacon started to hand a book to Laura, and just as she reached out to accept the gift, he quickly pulled his hand back and said, "Oops!" At that moment Laura felt as though she wanted to shrivel up and die.



On holidays honoring parents, some people without children feel uncomfortable, lonely, and even as if they are unimportant or sinful because they haven’t produced children. While they rejoice with their friends who are moms and dads, they can be grievously reminded of their sorrow. Does the church remember these dear sisters and brothers in Christ on these occasions and throughout the year? It is possible to bless everyone present in our churches on days of honor. To do this, believers need to cultivate the heart of the Father.



The Father's Heart

In seeking to minister to others, believers can become overwhelmed with the variety of people and their needs. Knowing that someone needs encouragement is one thing - knowing how to do it is entirely another.  Believers can increase in wisdom by asking God (James 1:5), and by learning to offer comfort to the fainthearted.

"Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men."  I Thessalonians 5:14

Christians may not understand where other people are coming from. Yet with God’s help we can try to put ourselves in their shoes. Believers have no excuse not to do their best to encourage others.



Besides first and foremost praying for them, here are some practical ideas on how church leadership and individuals can minister to people without children:



1. Be friendly.  Don’t talk too much about your kids. If someone in the group is going on and on about their children, smile and start talking about something that they are interested in.



2. Give them opportunities to minister to children.  A precious couple who lost four babies during pregnancy and have no living children are the world’s most loving and dedicated Sunday School teachers.  And what a blessing those children are to them!



3. Include them in family activities. Invite them into your home. Have your children deliver a "just because" card or cookies. Invite them to sit with you in church. Holidays can be the hardest times; if they are not able to be with loved ones, joyfully welcome them to your celebration. You may feel uncomfortable sharing news of your pregnancy with them, but they want to hear it from you. Pray, and God will direct you to the right words and timing. 



4. Remember them on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.  Send a note, e-mail, or card reminding them how special they are and to let them know you are praying for them. In church honor the moms and dads present, but also focus on the valuable roles of being godly men and women. If the church is going to give a gift, buy enough to give to every man or woman present. Being a parent doesn’t make folks more precious or better people. Some of the best "moms" and "dads" in our churches don’t have biological children. But, oh, the spiritual children in which they’ve invested their lives!



5. Respect their privacy. In most cases it is rude to ask them when they are going to get married/have kids/adopt. And never ask them why they can’t have children. If they choose to confide in you, make sure you are a trustworthy confidant. 



6. Be considerate regarding specific events.  Use common sense. For instance, you probably wouldn’t want to ask a childless woman to be in charge of a baby shower. It may even be too painful for childless women to attend the shower. This doesn’t mean that they are not happy for the new mother. It may be that they know they can’t handle it emotionally and don’t want to cause a scene.



7. Respect and appreciate them. That they don’t have kids or are unmarried doesn’t mean that you can’t learn from them. Single people and married people without children have so much to offer. Ask them to be your prayer partners or accountability partners. On the other hand, church leadership should not assume that childless people have a lot of extra time and should not take advantage of them, always expecting them to serve.

8. Relax and listen. Don’t worry that you won’t know what to say to them. Be a sympathetic listener and pray for God’s wisdom to know what He would have you to say. 



9. Seek them out. Look for opportunities to serve and fellowship with childless friends. This especially means a lot if it’s a difficult day, like the day their miscarried baby was due or the anniversary of their child's death.



How can we minister to people in circumstances so different from our own? A remarkable reality is that God can use the lessons we learn from going through a trial to help someone going through an entirely different situation! In 2 Corinthians 1:3 and 4 we read , "Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." (emphasis added). As we learn about God’s comfort, He gives us the ability to comfort others.



After my husband and I lost a child through miscarriage, some of the greatest encouragement came from our single friends and from those who had never lost a child. One friend, who spoke with such wisdom and love, told me that she had asked God to show her what I needed to hear. Another friend prayed and wept with me. What examples these are of godly compassion. Through His Word and Spirit, God can teach us how to minister to anyone.



In this era of support groups believers need to be careful that we do not exclusively mingle with those of their "type." God marvelously designed us as Christ's Body, and He makes it possible and necessary for the "hand" to look after the "foot," and the "elbow" to care for the "eye" (I Corinthians 12). There is a wealth of wisdom and friendship out there among God’s children. And the value of believers' ministering to believers in stages of life different from their own is God’s will for His children (Titus 2). God helps believers to think of others on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, every day. And may they prayerfully minister, as a church body and as individuals, with the Father's heart.

 

(c)2009 Regular Baptist Press. Reproduced by permission.

To find out more about Regular Baptist Press or The Baptist Bulletin: http://www.baptistbulletin.org/




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God Can Be Trusted

My boys and me a couple years ago, taking a fun train ride with Daddy (who jumped on board after taking the picture) at the zoo.  I love to think of this as a picture of my family going forward confidently with God ... no matter what the future may bring, we can trust our Conductor.

It is pleasant to have the sun warming me through my winter window this morning. My heart feels cold after another miscarriage, and I grieve the loss of my child.  Little did I guess last week, when I posted memories of our Jewel, that the life of the newest member of our family would be so short.  Psalm 127:3 clashed head on with Job 1:20-22:

"Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is His reward." Psalm 127:3

"Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshipped. He said, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.’ Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God." Job 1:20-22

 

This morning as I tried to get breakfast around, moving my tired aching body, my tears welled up not from chopping the onions, but from my sorrow – my child has died. 

While I know this is true ... there will be no need to pull out the maternity clothes, no exciting birth announcments, and no need to put "Baby Coming!" on my calendar for October ... I also remind myself that his/her death is only part of the story. Our little Jade wasn’t allowed to sit in the baby swing, coo, receive hugs and kissies, say "Mama" or "Daddy," eat a blueberry pancake, or have his or her toes tickled. These were my hope, but God had something better in mind for Jade.  And he/she is very much alive!



Centuries ago, when King David grieved the death of his child, God revealed to him that he would get to see his child again in the future:

"I will go to him but he will not return to me."    

2 Samuel 12:23

My child was and is a real person, designed by God, known by God, with a divine purpose for his/her life:

"For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your words, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I as made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand." Psalm 139:13-18

Someone innocently asked me, "How old was Jade?" With complete appreciation for their good intentions, it simply doesn’t matter how far along I was, nor how old Jade was when he/she died.  Jade was alive, inside me. Then Jade died, inside me. Death of a loved one is always painful … there is never enough time.



In my mind I had already planned where the baby bed would be, pictured my boys' excitement in meeting a little sibling, and was seriously thinking through names.  I wondered what Jade would look like and could envision a future of getting to know this person as they grew up, praying and trusting that he/she would grow up to love and serve God.  I’m trying to thankfully reflect on the brief time we had together. Just a little while to treasure my special secret … to dream … to prayerfully dedicate this child inside me to God.

Even though God saw fit to take Jade home, it doesn’t mean I can’t trust Him. God knows all and can see everything. In comparison I’m like a blind ant scurrying around, unable to see the rock 10" ahead of me. This God Who knows how small I am, lovingly calls me His own. He knows my grief. He promises never to leave me – He is holding me. When I am at the point of not being able to pray, utterly weighed down by sadness, He is working behind the scenes to bring the answer to my needs. He reaches out to me with …

His Word

Himself

My husband Tim

Caleb & Joshua (my children on earth)

Friends

Family ...

and beauty in unexpected places



God  has provided!  One friend, not knowing why I wasn't feeling well, suspected, and brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers.  They have been a balm to my spirit.  A close friend brought a meal and took the boys for a couple hours.  A precious neighbor helped in various amazing ways, providing the support we needed at just the right moment.  Our pastor and his wife got on their knees to pray for us, asking how they can help.  My sister took our boys for a couple of days so we can rest and have time to grieve.  Friends and family have prayed and offered suppport.  They have rejoiced with us and grieved with us about Jade.



I'm not sharing my heart with you so you can feel sorry for me.  Please don't!  I want you to know that we have a beautiful child in Heaven named Jade.  And far more importantly, I want you to know GOD CAN BE TRUSTED.  We can have joy in our hearts, and we can smile through our tears, because God is real!  Whether God gives you a husband or not.  Whether He gives you children or not.  No matter what the diagnosis, no matter how many lost dreams you experience, nothing changes Who God is.  And Jeremiah 29:11 is still in the Bible.



It’s okay to grieve. He can help me through. He has a plan. He will not waste this. There is hope!  And someday, I will look into the eyes of Jesus, and He will introduce me to my beautiful treasures - Jewel, Gem and Jade … who by God's grace never experienced the pain of this earth – only the beauty of God in His home. I was never able to tell them about Jesus, but the first One they ever met was Jesus.  I am a very blessed mother of five.   May all my children bring Him glory, there and here.

Suggested resource for those suffering a loss of a child before or after birth:  Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg

What About Single Women?

"...and you are complete in Him..." Colossians 2:10

Every woman is as unique as each lovely snowflake falling outside my window.  Each is beautifully designed by the Master, in His image.  Each has a unique personality and an eternal soul.  They have a variety of occupations and can be found in all age categories.  What do they have in common?  What do we all have in common?  We all need to be loved. Why?  Because that is how God made us.



While I know a few single women who do not want to be married, most of my friends who are not married would like to be married and have children. They all talk about a cycle of highs and lows ... for a few months they hardly think about it, wrapped up in their jobs and ministries. Then a good friend will get married or have a baby, they celebrate a "milestone" birthday, or for some inexplicable reason they can't put their finger on, they face a battle and have to surrender their desires to God all over again.



Then there are my dear single friends who are widowed or divorced.  They deserve and will get their own articles!  I so admire them and don't know how they make it through - oh, yes, with God's help and the support of loved ones!  Just tonight I talked with a single mom friend of mine who, at her house they just went through the stomach flu and a broken washing machine at the same time.  Trials indeed!  Thankfully, her new "Wilma" (that's what we call our washing machine) arrives early next week.  These dear sisters, and those who have lost the husbands they have loved, have different challenges from those who have never been married.  They live a different type of loneliness.  These sisters of ours need extra support from all of us ... in all of our busyness and trials, let's not forget the single women in our lives.



Every one of us, whether married or single, struggles with contentment.  I was single until age 30 and at times despaired in my loneliness.  God was faithful, is faithful, always showing me He is sufficient.  Then at age 30, in a miraculous (to us) string of events, God led Tim and me together.  We couldn't believe it was actually working out!  And we prayerfully approached a new adventure called marriage. 



There were many adjustments for both of us; married life certainly has its own ups and downs.  But, we wouldn't ever wish to go back to being single.  Tim and I hope we never forget what it was like - we want to encourage our single friends along the way.  I like being married, most days, but I do miss the intimacy I had with God as a single lady.  My relationship with God is special now, too, just different.



"There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband."  I Corinthians 7:34



My goal in this article is to help married women have a better understanding of what many single women go through, so that you can be a more informed and influential friend and mentor.  After debating with myself about how to approach this subject, I decided to present an  interview with "Martha." Martha is a lady that I am inventing to portray the sentiments of most of my single friends.  I could spend weeks interviewing dozens of beautiful Christian women, but essentially I already have.  So please allow me to combine what I have heard over the years, and experienced in my own single life, in an interview with Martha ...



Welcome, Martha!  Thank you for joining us today.  So, what about you?  Would you like to be married?

Thank you!  Yes...  I've always thought I would be married by now, but I haven't found the right man.  I know there are worse things than being single; I definitely don't want to marry the wrong person.



Why is it so hard to find "husband material"?

It's not that I try to hide from men.  I get together with friends, I'm active in my church, I volunteer, and I attend a few weddings each year.  My church is small, but I don't feel that it would be right for me to transfer my membership to a larger church just because they have a huge dating pool.  I believe I am where God wants me to be.  I love my church family and God is using me here. So, I keep trying to remember that He can bring him at the right time, if that is His will for my life.



What is the hardest part about being single?

Facing life by myself. Having to make decisions by myself. Having to do everything with the house, car, bills by myself. Wondering about the future - what will I do if I don't get married? How will it be to grow old alone, with no grandkid pictures to show off and no one to take care of me? It's hard to not have someone to go do things with, build memories with, to be my partner through life.



Another thing is that some people assume I have so much time since I'm single. I could really overwork myself if I said yes to every ministry request at church!   I think they don't stop and think about me having to work full-time, mow my own lawn, pay all the bills, do laundry and all the cooking, etc. I do keep busy.  I wish people would understand that I am doing the best I can.



When do you feel the most lonely?

Most of the time I'm okay.  I have a great family and wonderful friends.  I guess Sundays can be hard.  I see husbands with their arms around their wives.  I'm happy for them, but it does accentuate my loneliness.  Also, I sometimes have a hard time fitting in:  I'm not college age anymore, I'm not a career woman by choice, and when I go to the ladies classes they talk mostly about being wives and mothers.  I like learning from them, but sometimes I find it's better if I keep busy teaching a children's class.  After church, when I see families leaving church, happily heading off to Sunday dinner together, I'm tempted to host my own pity party.  I know things aren't perfect for them either.  Since I know this is my weakness, I try to make plans in advance for Sunday dinner.



At night I tend to stay up late.  Sometimes I ache for someone to hold me.  I have asked God to hold me, and many times I've sensed His nearness and comfort wrapped around me. Sometimes holidays, baby showers, weddings ... but it really can hit at the strangest times.  Like when I want to go out to eat, or plan a vacation, but can't find anyone to go with.  Or, when I'm at the library and I look out the window and see a couple walking by, hand in hand.  It's unpredictable.  I try to focus on my blessings!



What should people avoid saying to you?

I'm sure they mean well, but sometimes people (me included, I'm sure) just don't think. I've had people accuse me of being too picky.  I've had people ask me, "So, what's wrong with you?"  Some people good-naturedly try to set me up with someone, but that usually turns out to be a fiasco.  Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me, but that can be good - it keeps me growing and trying to be the best I can be. Oh, it's also irritating when people kindly say, "Oh, the right one will come along.  Just be patient!" They don't know that!  Only God knows if it will happen. Sometimes I just wish people would be content with my singleness, accepting me as I am.  It would help me in my striving to be content as well.



How can people encourage you?

I'm just like any other woman - I love it when people email or tell me they're praying for me.  It's good sometimes when people ask me to sit with them at church.  When I get together with the young adults group, it is encouraging when married couples include me in their conversation, showing an interest in my life.  I love it when a friend calls me up, or a family I know, and they invite me to join them on various outings. 



One dear older couple in my church invited me out for pizza on the day one of my former boyfriends got married.  I don't think they even knew, but it was good for me to be busy that day.  One time a neighbor made supper for me and delivered it to my apartment after a long week at work.  I savored every bite, and it ministered to body and soul!



It is fun when people remember me on my birthday, Valentine's Day and Mother's Day.  Sometimes even "Hallmark" holidays can prey on one's emotions!  Pray that I will be faithful to God, keep pure, and rest in God as my love, my husband.



This may seem cheesy or self-centered.  But, it is uplifting when people point out what I am doing right in my life.  Since I sometimes wonder, "What's wrong with me?" it helps when people point out my good features and choices, without flattering me.  And of course one of the biggest things is praying for me.  It means a lot when people remember my prayer requests and later ask me how those situations are working out in my life.



What do you think about online dating?

The idea of it makes me feel uncomfortable, but I have tried it.  We live in interesting times when it is hard to meet people.  I personally know three couples who met online and seem to have successful marriages.  But, I don't think it's for me.



What advice would you give to younger single women, or single women who are struggling?

It goes without saying, but stay in the Word of God daily.  Fill your mind with God's thoughts, so you are filled with His love and courage every day.  Talk to God about everything.  I believe we as single women have a unique opportunity to be intimate with God in ways that our married friends aren't able to enjoy.  I think that's one of the best things about being single.



Don't put yourself in tempting situations ... I have to avoid romance novels and some movies, because they make me envious and I know that most of them are not realistic.  Don't lower the standards you believe God wants you to have.  We will never regret saving ourselves for our husbands or not having extra baggage to carry around.  If you have baggage, take it to God and leave it with Him.  You can be forgiven and start again fresh.



Plan ahead financially - save money for a house, be wise with your money.  Use extra money right now to buy good books, including Bible reference books to help you with your Bible study.  Don't forget to tithe and contribute to worthy charities. 



Travel.  If/when we get married, we won't have the same freedom to get-up-and-go as we do right now. 



Don't waste your emotional energy on feeling sorry for yourself.  We don't want to look back on this time with regrets.  Tell people your needs, make plans to get together with people, and reach out to those who are lonely and hurting.



Thank you so much, Martha, for sharing these things with me.  Is there anything you'd like to add?  It is hard to think of the possibility of growing old alone, but I know God promises to always be with me.  I don't need to fear the future. Jeremiah 29:11 includes me!  Even if I never get married, I can still have a productive, happy life.  And, of course, I will always still have my dreams.



"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13



Single women are like married women in their needs and interests.  Take time to get to know the single women in your life ... you will be blessed! 

Helpful resources:

Stay In the Castle by Jerry L. Ross   

This booklet was written by a youth worker to help a teenage girl he knew, who was dating an unsaved boy, to wait for God's choice for a husband.  God used his story to help her wait, and she and her future husband became missionaries greatly used by God.  This book was such a blessing to me when I was single.  I highly recommend this book for teenagers and all young women who need encouragement to trust God and wait for His timing.    

www.stayinthecastle.com





Passion and Purity and Quest For Love by Elisabeth Elliot 

Elisabeth Elliot shares her challenges in love and waiting for God's timing in Passion and Purity.  In Quest For Love she shares the stories of women who waited for God's leading in choosing a mate.

www.elisabethelliot.org





Questions From a Single Heart by Laura A. Smith   

Laura Smith, a single woman living near Seattle, Washington, knows what it's like to dream of becoming a wife and mother.  Thus far, God has chosen for Laura to keep busy in the career world and in her local church, learning lessons of singleness which she enjoys sharing, using her unique story-telling ability and humor.  Through the Biblical account of Ruth, Laura gleans lessons for single women today.  You will certainly be blessed by this Bible study.

www.laurashares.com and www.adventureswithlaura.wordpress.com





The picture above is of my cousin and dear friend Laura and me.  We both have a burden for single women of all ages.  (Check out her book and website mentioned above).