What Are You Waiting For?

Today I read the following article.  It blew me away.  I wish I had read it years ago as a single woman.  But, it is helpful to this married woman's heart, because it's principles are biblical and universal. 

What are you waiting for?  Waiting isn't just for single women.  I've spent many a day waiting for . . .

• school to start/end
• my prince charming to come on the scene
• my wedding day to arrive
• babies to spring forth
• doctors and lab results
• pain to subside following miscarriage
• my husband to get better
• a positive preganancy test
• sick children to get better
• sons to give their hearts to Jesus
• God to open the eyes of friends who are spiritually blind
• God to reveal His will for the next step of my mission

During those waiting times I am drawn to my knees in desperation.  And there I find Him, ever patient, ever sure.  A painful lonely place is suddenly warmed by His light and love.  I am no longer alone in my waiting places.  And you don't have to be alone in yours either.

"I just didn’t want to wait anymore – didn’t want to live like I was waiting on anyone to get here.  I already have Him … and He is everything."  - Grace

Click the following link to drink more in . . .

I Don't Wait Anymore

 "Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; On You I wait all the day."
Psalm 25:5

"Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!"

Psalm 27:14

"For evildoers shall be cut off; But those who wait on the LORD, They shall inherit the earth." Psalm 37:9

"Truly my soul silently waits for God;
From Him comes my salvation."
Psalm 62:1

 

"For since the beginning of the world men have not heard nor perceived by the ear, nor has the eye seen any God besides You, Who acts for the one who waits for Him."
Isaiah 64:4

 

"Therefore the LORD will wait, that He may be gracious to you; And therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you.  For the LORD is a God of justice; Blessed are all those who wait for Him." Isaiah 30:18

"But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

"It is good that one should hope and wait quietly, for the salvation of the LORD."  Lamentations 3:26

 

Father's Day Reflections

Tonight my breath caught in my throat as I noticed a bright rainbow just out my back door.  It was positively glowing!  I've never seen the violet ribbon so brilliant.  As it expanded into a double rainbow, I could hear my children ooo-ing and ahh-ing from their bedroom window, talking back and forth with their Daddy about what a rainbow means.  Hearkening back to our father in the faith Noah, God our Father keeps His promises, of course.

This spring my Dad designed a little

house for his grandsons.

Tim and our boys enjoyed helping out!



This Father's Day weekend I am eternally grateful to God for a Dad who loves Him and loves his family.  Some of my favorite memories with my Dad include: when we went camping, going to church, walking the mall and him stopping occasionally to buy me a rope of licorice, bike riding, eating mulberries, him teaching me how to drive a tractor on the farm, horseback riding, chuckwagons in Colorado, and the countless times he listened to me practice the piano, clapping after every song! 



And now I am blessed to be married to a man who is a good husband and a great father.  I am unspeakably thankful that my husband is someone I can respect and trust with my children.  He loves playing with them, listening to them, chasing and tickling, singing with them . . . my cup overflows.

I love this old picture of Tim

and the boys!



Maybe you feel that while others enjoy rainbow memories and relationships, yours have been or are stormy.  Perhaps your dad wasn't the loving kind.  Instead he wounded you and wrecked your childhood.  What pain and agony!  Perhaps you are single and longing for someone to build a family with, but God hasn't brought him along, yet.  I remember the ache.  Or, you may have seen your prince charming fall off his horse and land in the kingdom of another princess.  There is no one to love you or the children you had together, and your weary heart is broken.



While human beings fall short in sympathy, God understands what we think and feel.  When His children are hurting, He hurts, too.  And He is closer to us than breathing. Just like the rainbow I saw tonight which followed scary lightening and ominous clouds,  God will help us through the storms of life - He is the safe place of eternal love and forever rainbows.



The following verses are familiar to many of us, but let's take a few moments to soak in them once again.  Just like sinking our toes into a plush carpet, munching on a warm-from-the-oven chocolate chip cookie, coming home and smelling freshly baked bread . . . let's come home to our Father and bask in His love today.

Our Perfect Father 

"For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:11-14



"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6



"But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and You our potter; and all we are the work of Your hand." Isaiah 64:8



"... your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him." Matthew 6:8b



"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" Matthew 7:7-8,11



"Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful." Luke 6:36



"For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father." Romans 8:15 



"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4



"I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty." 2 Corinthians 6:18



"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ ..." Ephesians 1:3



"Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!"  I John 3:1



"And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world." I John 4:14

The Quiet House: Ministering with the Father's Heart to Childless Men and Women

What happens on Mother’s Day at your church? It is typical and fitting to honor the mothers who are present. In some cases moms are asked to stand, given a public blessing and a hearty applause, followed by a prayer of thanksgiving and dedication. Usually a flower or some other small gift is given to each mom. How Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are observed reveal much about the heart of a church.

The Aching Heart

One of the most painful experiences is that of women or men who desire to have children but cannot. They may be married or single, be barren, or have experienced the loss of a child (or multiple children) through miscarriage or death. It’s true that some people don’t desire to have children, but that is the exception. Most believers look forward to having little ones around, and when that can’t happen, it hurts.



The Parent Heart

Some busy parents may look at those without children and think they have it easy. Well-meaning men and women can misunderstand and even sin against those who are childless. They can be guilty of looking at them with jealousy or judgment: With jealousy a parent might think, "They have time and money to do the things they want.  They have more time to dedicate themselves to serving God."  With judgment someone might think, "Why isn't he married? There must be something wrong with her. Why don’t they have a baby? How strange, how selfish! Exhausted? … They don’t even know the meaning of the word!" If believers are not jealous or judgmental, they can be neglectful. Sad to say, it’s easy to get so busy that we don’t take time to think about the needs of other people.



The Single Heart

One bright Mother’s Day morning, all of the moms were invited to stand in the front of the church. The pastor spoke glowingly of how wonderful they all were and how greatly the future rests upon their shoulders. My single friend Laura felt uncomfortable, since she was about the only woman left back in the pews.  After they were dismissed to their seats, Laura breathed a sigh of relief that the ceremony was over for another year. However, the pastor had forgotten to give the women flowers, so he had some men pass them out right away. My friend was left empty-handed as she looked around at all the smiling mothers.



Laura cried all the way home from church, again asking God to help her be content in her singleness. Unfortunately the pastor had also forgotten to hand out special books, so in the evening service the deliverers were sent out again. A deacon started to hand a book to Laura, and just as she reached out to accept the gift, he quickly pulled his hand back and said, "Oops!" At that moment Laura felt as though she wanted to shrivel up and die.



On holidays honoring parents, some people without children feel uncomfortable, lonely, and even as if they are unimportant or sinful because they haven’t produced children. While they rejoice with their friends who are moms and dads, they can be grievously reminded of their sorrow. Does the church remember these dear sisters and brothers in Christ on these occasions and throughout the year? It is possible to bless everyone present in our churches on days of honor. To do this, believers need to cultivate the heart of the Father.



The Father's Heart

In seeking to minister to others, believers can become overwhelmed with the variety of people and their needs. Knowing that someone needs encouragement is one thing - knowing how to do it is entirely another.  Believers can increase in wisdom by asking God (James 1:5), and by learning to offer comfort to the fainthearted.

"Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men."  I Thessalonians 5:14

Christians may not understand where other people are coming from. Yet with God’s help we can try to put ourselves in their shoes. Believers have no excuse not to do their best to encourage others.



Besides first and foremost praying for them, here are some practical ideas on how church leadership and individuals can minister to people without children:



1. Be friendly.  Don’t talk too much about your kids. If someone in the group is going on and on about their children, smile and start talking about something that they are interested in.



2. Give them opportunities to minister to children.  A precious couple who lost four babies during pregnancy and have no living children are the world’s most loving and dedicated Sunday School teachers.  And what a blessing those children are to them!



3. Include them in family activities. Invite them into your home. Have your children deliver a "just because" card or cookies. Invite them to sit with you in church. Holidays can be the hardest times; if they are not able to be with loved ones, joyfully welcome them to your celebration. You may feel uncomfortable sharing news of your pregnancy with them, but they want to hear it from you. Pray, and God will direct you to the right words and timing. 



4. Remember them on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.  Send a note, e-mail, or card reminding them how special they are and to let them know you are praying for them. In church honor the moms and dads present, but also focus on the valuable roles of being godly men and women. If the church is going to give a gift, buy enough to give to every man or woman present. Being a parent doesn’t make folks more precious or better people. Some of the best "moms" and "dads" in our churches don’t have biological children. But, oh, the spiritual children in which they’ve invested their lives!



5. Respect their privacy. In most cases it is rude to ask them when they are going to get married/have kids/adopt. And never ask them why they can’t have children. If they choose to confide in you, make sure you are a trustworthy confidant. 



6. Be considerate regarding specific events.  Use common sense. For instance, you probably wouldn’t want to ask a childless woman to be in charge of a baby shower. It may even be too painful for childless women to attend the shower. This doesn’t mean that they are not happy for the new mother. It may be that they know they can’t handle it emotionally and don’t want to cause a scene.



7. Respect and appreciate them. That they don’t have kids or are unmarried doesn’t mean that you can’t learn from them. Single people and married people without children have so much to offer. Ask them to be your prayer partners or accountability partners. On the other hand, church leadership should not assume that childless people have a lot of extra time and should not take advantage of them, always expecting them to serve.

8. Relax and listen. Don’t worry that you won’t know what to say to them. Be a sympathetic listener and pray for God’s wisdom to know what He would have you to say. 



9. Seek them out. Look for opportunities to serve and fellowship with childless friends. This especially means a lot if it’s a difficult day, like the day their miscarried baby was due or the anniversary of their child's death.



How can we minister to people in circumstances so different from our own? A remarkable reality is that God can use the lessons we learn from going through a trial to help someone going through an entirely different situation! In 2 Corinthians 1:3 and 4 we read , "Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." (emphasis added). As we learn about God’s comfort, He gives us the ability to comfort others.



After my husband and I lost a child through miscarriage, some of the greatest encouragement came from our single friends and from those who had never lost a child. One friend, who spoke with such wisdom and love, told me that she had asked God to show her what I needed to hear. Another friend prayed and wept with me. What examples these are of godly compassion. Through His Word and Spirit, God can teach us how to minister to anyone.



In this era of support groups believers need to be careful that we do not exclusively mingle with those of their "type." God marvelously designed us as Christ's Body, and He makes it possible and necessary for the "hand" to look after the "foot," and the "elbow" to care for the "eye" (I Corinthians 12). There is a wealth of wisdom and friendship out there among God’s children. And the value of believers' ministering to believers in stages of life different from their own is God’s will for His children (Titus 2). God helps believers to think of others on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, every day. And may they prayerfully minister, as a church body and as individuals, with the Father's heart.

 

(c)2009 Regular Baptist Press. Reproduced by permission.

To find out more about Regular Baptist Press or The Baptist Bulletin: http://www.baptistbulletin.org/




Image courtesy of: http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/images/

Reflecting On Marriage - Nine Years Later

Today is a special day for Tim and me.  Nine years ago today we said, "I do!" And by God's grace, we are still saying it, throughout the sunshine and the storms of life. 



Before I was a bride, I sniffled and got teary-eyed at weddings.  My heart cried out, "I want that!"  Now I cry at weddings because I know what they are heading into: God's most sanctifying relationship.  Whether married or single, our loving and gracious Father God appoints sanctifiers (people or things that help us to grow into the people God wants us to be): children or lack of children, jobs, pets, disappointment, financial strain, loneliness (for marrieds and singles), stress, illness, painful relationships, death, and plain old heartache.



I am thankful that I married Tim.  Since our wedding I have grown and changed so much that I hardly recognize myself.  And this is a very good thing. 



Here is a short list of some things I've learned since our wedding day:

1. Only God can meet our deepest longings.  Only God never disappoints.


2. Tim and I are very different, and that's a blessing.  We are happiest when we appreciate and respect our differences.


3. I cannot change my husband, nor should I even try.  The best thing to do is take it to the Lord.


4. Tim is my best friend - not always in the warm-fuzzy sense of the word, but in the reality of faithfulness and always being there for me.  As I am for him.


5. If I want to be close to Tim, I need to be close to the Lord.


6. I married a godly man who has a lot of wisdom to offer - I only need to ask!


7. Sometimes married women are envious of single women.


8. If you survive the yucky stuff, the treasures are well worth the perseverance and hard work.


9. There is nothing better than serving God together as a husband and wife team, and then as a family.


10. God is honored by a godly marriage - it is a living picture of His love for us.

I praise God for my marriage.  And I testify that in God's will and timing, marriage is a very, very good thing.

God Can Be Trusted

My boys and me a couple years ago, taking a fun train ride with Daddy (who jumped on board after taking the picture) at the zoo.  I love to think of this as a picture of my family going forward confidently with God ... no matter what the future may bring, we can trust our Conductor.

It is pleasant to have the sun warming me through my winter window this morning. My heart feels cold after another miscarriage, and I grieve the loss of my child.  Little did I guess last week, when I posted memories of our Jewel, that the life of the newest member of our family would be so short.  Psalm 127:3 clashed head on with Job 1:20-22:

"Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is His reward." Psalm 127:3

"Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshipped. He said, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.’ Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God." Job 1:20-22

 

This morning as I tried to get breakfast around, moving my tired aching body, my tears welled up not from chopping the onions, but from my sorrow – my child has died. 

While I know this is true ... there will be no need to pull out the maternity clothes, no exciting birth announcments, and no need to put "Baby Coming!" on my calendar for October ... I also remind myself that his/her death is only part of the story. Our little Jade wasn’t allowed to sit in the baby swing, coo, receive hugs and kissies, say "Mama" or "Daddy," eat a blueberry pancake, or have his or her toes tickled. These were my hope, but God had something better in mind for Jade.  And he/she is very much alive!



Centuries ago, when King David grieved the death of his child, God revealed to him that he would get to see his child again in the future:

"I will go to him but he will not return to me."    

2 Samuel 12:23

My child was and is a real person, designed by God, known by God, with a divine purpose for his/her life:

"For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your words, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I as made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand." Psalm 139:13-18

Someone innocently asked me, "How old was Jade?" With complete appreciation for their good intentions, it simply doesn’t matter how far along I was, nor how old Jade was when he/she died.  Jade was alive, inside me. Then Jade died, inside me. Death of a loved one is always painful … there is never enough time.



In my mind I had already planned where the baby bed would be, pictured my boys' excitement in meeting a little sibling, and was seriously thinking through names.  I wondered what Jade would look like and could envision a future of getting to know this person as they grew up, praying and trusting that he/she would grow up to love and serve God.  I’m trying to thankfully reflect on the brief time we had together. Just a little while to treasure my special secret … to dream … to prayerfully dedicate this child inside me to God.

Even though God saw fit to take Jade home, it doesn’t mean I can’t trust Him. God knows all and can see everything. In comparison I’m like a blind ant scurrying around, unable to see the rock 10" ahead of me. This God Who knows how small I am, lovingly calls me His own. He knows my grief. He promises never to leave me – He is holding me. When I am at the point of not being able to pray, utterly weighed down by sadness, He is working behind the scenes to bring the answer to my needs. He reaches out to me with …

His Word

Himself

My husband Tim

Caleb & Joshua (my children on earth)

Friends

Family ...

and beauty in unexpected places



God  has provided!  One friend, not knowing why I wasn't feeling well, suspected, and brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers.  They have been a balm to my spirit.  A close friend brought a meal and took the boys for a couple hours.  A precious neighbor helped in various amazing ways, providing the support we needed at just the right moment.  Our pastor and his wife got on their knees to pray for us, asking how they can help.  My sister took our boys for a couple of days so we can rest and have time to grieve.  Friends and family have prayed and offered suppport.  They have rejoiced with us and grieved with us about Jade.



I'm not sharing my heart with you so you can feel sorry for me.  Please don't!  I want you to know that we have a beautiful child in Heaven named Jade.  And far more importantly, I want you to know GOD CAN BE TRUSTED.  We can have joy in our hearts, and we can smile through our tears, because God is real!  Whether God gives you a husband or not.  Whether He gives you children or not.  No matter what the diagnosis, no matter how many lost dreams you experience, nothing changes Who God is.  And Jeremiah 29:11 is still in the Bible.



It’s okay to grieve. He can help me through. He has a plan. He will not waste this. There is hope!  And someday, I will look into the eyes of Jesus, and He will introduce me to my beautiful treasures - Jewel, Gem and Jade … who by God's grace never experienced the pain of this earth – only the beauty of God in His home. I was never able to tell them about Jesus, but the first One they ever met was Jesus.  I am a very blessed mother of five.   May all my children bring Him glory, there and here.

Suggested resource for those suffering a loss of a child before or after birth:  Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg

Together 60 Years!

Today my family celebrated my parents' 60th wedding anniversary.  They were married on November 3, 1951 in Des Moines, Iowa.  Our day was spent reliving memories, driving around their old neighborhoods, hearing stories, visiting the Iowa Hall of Pride museum, eating at a 50's diner, enjoying each other.  It was a day to remember!



Sixty years seems like a long time, but they say they don't know where the time went.  It seems unreal that they are knocking on eighty, because it wasn't long ago that they were young and in love.  I'm happy to report that they are still in love.



Mom

My Mom is almost always smiling.  As a kid it would irritate me, along with her contant humming, but now I am refreshed by her spirit of joy!  I see in her a woman who has been faithful to her man through ups and downs.

"Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord." Ephesians 5:22

She is submissive!  Sometimes I have encouraged her to speak up for herself in certain situations, but she usually chooses to quietly pray about matters instead.  I am thankful for a mother who smiles with her eyes, voice (over the phone), lips and heart.  She is an example of a faithful wife and prayer warrior.



Dad

My Dad sold three pigs to buy my mom's ring, and they had a short engagement because he was drafted into the army.  Although he didn't end up going over to Korea, there were many stressful moments related to his service to America.



In my Dad I see a man who has taken care of his wife and loves her more than he did when he married her. 

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and

gave Himself for her..."  Ephesians 5:25

My Dad claims that my Mom proposed to him.  His teasing is accompanied by eyes sparkling with fun.  My Mom groans with a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. She's heard this story a hundred times.  Today we got "the rest of the story" on video.  The truth seems to be in the middle: they shopped for rings together, but he wasn't formal in giving her the ring, so she nudged him a bit, "Aren't you forgetting something?" 



I count myself extremely blessed to have parents who have stayed married for 60 years. Thank you, Mom and Dad!